The Arena Is Not for Everyone

Why I Choose to Champion Those Who Lead—Not Become One

In 2016, I watched Lisa Hendrickson get elected as GOP Chair, and something shifted inside me. Here was a woman stepping into the arena—brave, visible, and willing to take the hits that come with leadership. I thought, That could be me.

But then I watched what happened next. And the next chair. And the one after that.

Chair after chair, destroyed—not by Democrats, not by the opposition—but by their own people. Their own precinct chairs. The very volunteers who should have been their greatest allies became their greatest adversaries.

That's when I made a decision that has shaped my activism ever since: Instead of being a County GOP Chair, I would become something else—a guide, an advocate, and a protector for those who are in the arena.

Understanding What's Really Happening

Here's what most people don't understand about political volunteers: the difficult behavior you encounter isn't really about you. It's about fear.

When a precinct chair lashes out at their County Chair, when a volunteer becomes impossible to work with, when someone who should be an ally starts sabotaging the mission—the behavior stems from one thing: fear.

Fear of being judged. Fear of not being heard. Fear of being overlooked or forgotten. Fear of being out of control. These aren't just personality flaws—they're what I call gremlins. Those inner voices that make good people act in difficult ways.

When we're afraid, our worst selves rear their ugly heads. We become defensive, gossipy, bossy, critical, or dramatic. We're not trying to be difficult—we're trying to survive.

The Low Road and the High Road

There's neuroscience behind this. Our brains have two fear response pathways: the Low Road (fast, reactive, survival-focused) and the High Road (slow, logical, relationship-oriented).

When someone triggers our Low Road, we can't think clearly. We get sweaty palms, feel flushed, and want to fight or flee. It's impossible to build connections or have rational conversations when our Low Road is in control.

The moment you enter a difficult interaction with a precinct chair or volunteer, you're likely triggering their Low Road. And here's the hard truth: difficult people aren't bad people. They're being emotionally hijacked the majority of the time. Their fear puts them in constant survival mode, making it impossible for them to compassionately connect or rationally compromise.

The Melinda Preston Model

This is why I look at Denton County GOP Chair Melinda Preston with such admiration. She stepped into the arena with a clear mission: to unite the Republican Party and focus efforts against the true political opposition—the Democrats.

That clarity of purpose is essential. But what makes someone like Melinda effective isn't just having the right mission—it's how she handles the inevitable friction that comes with leading volunteers.

A County Chair manages dozens, sometimes hundreds, of precinct chairs. Each one brings their own gremlins to the table. Some are "Downers"—negative, pessimistic, rejecting everything first. Some are "Show-Offs"—needing constant validation, feeling undervalued. Some are "Passives"—afraid to contribute, shutting down to avoid criticism. And some are "Tanks"—explosive, dramatic, needing to take control.

The chairs who survive—and even thrive—are those who understand that you can't argue with a feeling, but you can acknowledge it.

The NUT Job: A Framework for the Arena

There's a technique I've studied that transforms how you handle difficult people. It's called the NUT Job: Name the emotion, Understand the feeling, and Transform the fear.

Step 1: Name

Most gremlins come from not being recognized, accepted, or heard. When someone is upset, resist the urge to stay calm and logical—that actually infuriates them more. Instead, name what they're feeling.

"You seem frustrated."
"Are you feeling overlooked?"
"Give me a sense for what you're feeling."

Listen for emotion words: "unfair," "upset," "pissed," "frustrated." Then reflect those words back. The moment you identify the emotion they're feeling, you open a release valve for their anxiety.

Step 2: Understand

Once they feel heard, their Low Road begins to disengage. Now you're dealing with a more logical, relationship-oriented person. Your goal is to unpack the emotions behind what's being said.

Ask: What is this person seeking? Is it information? Status? Certainty? Recognition? Understanding their primary value helps you address the real issue, not just the surface complaint.

"Tell me what happened that made you feel this way."
"The reason you're so upset is because...?"
"What caused this?"

Step 3: Transform

Once someone is fully in High Road—their fears disengaged, the problem worked through—you can begin to transform the situation into a solution.

Do NOT skip to this step prematurely. If someone is still speaking loudly, still emotional, still flushed—they're not done processing. Wait for the sigh of relief, the normal speaking tone, before moving forward.

"How can I help?"
"What needs to happen for you to feel better?"
"What role can I play in making this better?"

When you Name, Understand, and Transform someone out of their difficulty, you become their ally. Not their adversary. Not their target. Their ally.

Why I Stand Outside the Arena

Theodore Roosevelt's famous "Man in the Arena" speech celebrates those who strive valiantly, who fail, who get bloodied—but who are actually in the fight.

I've chosen a different role. Not because I lack courage, but because I've seen what happens when the people in the arena have no one in their corner. No one to help them understand the gremlins they're facing. No one to remind them that the attacks aren't personal—they're neurological. No one to offer frameworks like the NUT Job that can transform adversaries into allies.

Melinda Preston and leaders like her deserve advocates who understand the battlefield without needing to hold the title. They deserve people who can help them see that when precinct chairs act impossible, they're usually acting out of fear—and that fear can be addressed.

For Those in the Arena

If you're a County Chair, a precinct chair, or any volunteer leader reading this, know this: the difficult people you encounter aren't your enemies. They're frightened. Their gremlins are running the show.

And here's the liberating truth: you don't have to fix everyone. Some people's fear is so ingrained that they become toxic—and toxic people are not worth your energy. Learning to say no, to set boundaries, to choose who you cast in your political life—that's not weakness. That's wisdom.

But for those who can be reached? Name their fear. Understand their need. Transform the problem into partnership.

That's how we unite. That's how we focus on the real opposition. That's how we protect Texas for future generations.

And that's why, since 2016, I've devoted myself not to being in the arena—but to ensuring those who are don't stand alone.

• • •

Passion • Purpose • Profit

The NUT Job framework is adapted from Chapter 13 of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards. The technique was originally adapted from hostage negotiation methods taught by Dr. Mark Goulston. Learn more at ScienceOfPeople.com.